you don't need a rollercoaster to feel this.

your on speed dial, i hit the buttons with good intentions. i am greeted by your soft, pale voice. you say "hello, darling". today is already a great day, i don't need a weatherman to tell me.

you fill my head with highlights of your life, you give the butterflies in my stomach a reason to fly. you whine to me " come over, i miss you". its so hard to resist, if you were a bad apple i'd still bite into you. i fly to your house, my lips are numb, i cant feel my fingers. who uses blinkers? my gas gauge reads empty but thats not what i am feeling, am i too into you?

i question your feelings as i pull up your driveway. as i ring your doorbell the butterflies turn and ask me what i'm doing here? i thought they were on my side. you open the door, my mind drops all rumination as your face appears. i pinch my brain, make sure i'm awake. to record this lovely moment. you grab my hand in a way you've never, you exclaim "come in" your different, i can see it. your shell is the same but your insides are gone. on the couch is when i am enlightened, though crossing my fingers and praying i'm wrong. the ugliest words come from your mouth, " babe, we have to talk". i don't believe it, i get up and plant my Asics  firm on the ground, ready to thrash on your parading life, ready to make you feel tiny in every way. but i wait, i'm steady now. you try to conquer the situation, you flirt with the hair behind your ears. i can tell your nervous, i can tell you don't want to be here. i cry out "just say it already!" the flirting stops and so does my breathing. don't look at me like that, its not fair. i look at you one last time, the highways are empty, the birds are wingless, the people are speechless and the world is waiting for my word. i look at you like never before. you look at you like you never have. calmly i blurt out " i know its hard to look at yourself without a mirror, but do me a favor and remember this moment above all the rest, this spectacular horrid moment that changes everything, you have shoes and your going to have to wear them one day. you're going to wake up and not smell me there, the coffee that you let get cold, i am the book you were never willing to read, and the water that evaporates while your away, you were the knot too stubborn to untie and now you let this relationship die." i am a tree that has fallen in winter, you can plant another but now, you have to watch me leave.

thank you for your hospitality. 

ms.

tea and crumpets

we are swallowed
by the sea of existence.
ridiculed by mankind
on our amateur ambitions.
they glide through the wind
on the ice of royalty,
they grip, where we slip.
we are topic of conversation,
their filet mignon. what they
chew up and spit out. bitterness.
we remain attractive but repulsive.
caught in a world of supply and demand,
they supply the good life
and we demand it.
we dont get it.
none of us do, but me
I wont be the "we"


ms.

I as in 'I"

spoon fed baby lies, turn into thick thighs
airbrushed with the luxury of pop culture
on top of the thick layer of prayer.
remains a chunk of life you cant take out.
the part that staind worse than the whine, the cry.
its your biggest asset, you live by it, you die by it.
its what you hate, its what you love. the taste of
reality at elementary levels. the grind that took place
to smooth out the ends. the buring at the crisp frayed ends
of life, shriveling up and dying, the part of you that was you.
all you knew, and nothing you knew. the part of you
that was never you. now all that remains, is I.

life without death

i missed the way you looked at me,
when nobody was watching.
i kissed the ground you lie under today.
i felt my heart stop to gather its notions.
i should stop breathing, just to see you sooner.
its this pain that radiates, it grows like a tumor.
i remember you so vividly, i thank god for these
memories, if not i would feel like an empty city.
no cars are running, no people are stunning.
you were taken from me without permission and
now i have to fill out that fake prescription.
i dont want to die to seal the deal
but i do want to die to feel you for real.
because you are the only thing that lets me know im alive.
so you whisper in my ear; if you keep on living, i will survive



ms.

girl i haven't met yet

Dear Miss cellaneous,
i can see you wherever you stand.
day or night you shine so bright.
i haven't met you yet but i love you.
we haven't spoken but you sound so cute.
intellectual and witty define a fraction of who you are.
your body doesn't consist of huge mountains or deep valleys,
but your hills and highways are beautiful to me. you teach me things
i could never learn if spoken from anyone elses mouth.
my ears cry when your not around. when your eyes coincidentally
disappear as im looking for them. i dont know you, my dear
but i cant wait to meet you.

ms.

destination; unknown

subway cars shake and shatter.
the sway puts a numbness to the mind,
your eyelids gain weight. they drop to the floor.
you are hypnotized, you breathe, you know nobody.
they look at you, some smile, some smell.
you grip the bar a little tighter, your flowing through time.
gliding through the underground of manhattan.
you see life, death, race, culture, gender, emotion, fate.
from the beginning to the end and everything in between,
its a journey through life that lasts minutes.
thats worth more then two dollars.

ms.

dairy of a delivery man

i ordered take out for us, i got you lo mein.
i know you like it, even though your in pain.
it should be here any minute, don't worry about that.
wipe your tears, i'll clean the smears, your ex is a rat.
he doesn't deserve you, he never did in the first place.
so dry those streams that fall down your pretty little face.
theres something about you i've loved since i was seven.
if i'm not mistaken, being with you is just like heaven.
this isn't a good time to tell you how much i love you, i know that.
but i need to let you know before the food takes your attention.
i want to keep you company till i go out of business,
cure your diseases and aid your sickness.
when we sleep, we listen, i know this to be true.
i hope you heard what i just said to you.

ms